After Sam announced she was writing a drunk letter to bookish sex scenes, I knew I was in for a treat. After she published it on Saturday, I laughed so much, and completely agreed on everything she said. But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t continue the rant. I’m not drunk, but here goes.
Disclaimer: it’s okay if you like these books. I’m not judging you, I’m just think they could have been so much better. There are way better erotic books out there, and you deserve them.
I worked in a bookstore for a couple of years and since the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy was in the top 10 for a very long time, every employee was obligated to read the books in order to advise people on them. I have never read anything worse in my entire life. This led me to my own rant. You see, authors write books, but how are there publishers and proofreaders that allow this to happen? Do those people actually believe this is how people have sex? And how do they not see that some positions aren’t anatomically possible..
Not to mention the horrible, horrible things people do because they get ‘inspired’. I spent 5 minutes looking for articles, and here some news articles I found:
And then some of the even worse ones..
AND THEN IT STILL GETS ADAPTED INTO A MOVIE. and I can’t even imagine the horrors that cinema workers went through, but to draw a picture without actually showing a picture (nobody wants that, just use your imagination), here are some examples:
“PEOPLE SHOWED UP WEARING FULL-BODY LATEX SUITS. Someone even asked if sex toys were supplied.” It’s a public space people.
“Movie theater staff have found all sort of x-rated objects on cinema floors, including used condoms, masks and handcuff packaging.” Again. It’s public space!
One worker revealed “people had taken their shoes and socks off, and tied their socks over their eyes during the blindfolding scene.” That doesn’t sound that bad.. weren’t it for the fact that they were moaning in unison..
So apparantly in the US, you can go to the theater if you’re underage, you only need to bring an adult. WHO TAKES THEIR 10 YO TO THIS MOVIE?! Thankfully children under six were banned..
There was a theater where a man ejaculated on his seat, and where a crowd of 10 drunk women had to be escorted. Let’s hope those things aren’t connected. Yikes. To make it worse, in Glasgow, a man was attacked by three women at a Valentine’s Day showing, so theater working had to clean up blood aswell. Apparently he was glassed after he asked if they could keep quiet.
The point I’m trying to make is that books are such a powerful medium. I know that people always say that videogames cause violence. Monkey see, monkey do, right? But books are way worse. How many times have people done things and referenced to books? I’m not bringing any religeous books into this but.. Manifesto’s are practically books these days. I know that it’s not justfified just because it’s in a book. How about we take care of this and fix the root of the problem? Erotic books can be so much fun, but they should be real. And maybe not make people want to masturbate in theaters? And it’s not just the author, like I said, I assume these books were proofread, how did this get accepted and printed and into stores? Authentic sex might not be perfect, penises aren’t all straight and long and thick. It’s wrong to falsely advertise sex like that, even though it’s ‘just a book’.
Also, how did this get into the book: ” ‘say it’, he commanded. ‘yankity spankity.’ ’louder’.” I’M CRYING FROM LAUGHTER. How do people keep a straight face when reading this??
I really hope all of these newsarticles make people think twice when writing sex scenes, maybe start with normal sex scenes in fanfiction, since Fifty Shades of Grey started out as fanfiction. And just keep it real. If you want to write these over the top sex scenes, you might be in the wrong genre. Maybe take a look at Fantasy books.